


we’re all just looking for love to change the world

by N_Is_For_Knowledge



Series: the association of dumbassery [2]
Category: All the Wrong Questions - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, Gay Kevin Old, Gay Pride, Gen, Lesbian Ellington Feint, Lesbian Florence Smith, Lesbian Ornette Lost, Pride Parades, Texting, and those are just the ones i confirmed in the fic, if you thought there were lots of characters before you ain’t seen nothin yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:22:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24986755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N_Is_For_Knowledge/pseuds/N_Is_For_Knowledge
Summary: ”Better Than Any Of You: ok! i’ll add you three to the planning group chatGrammatically Correct Lemon: Why does it feel like this is a contrived situation set up by a bored author so we can be in a group chat with the “Stain’d Squad” and shenanigans can happen?the Sane One: what the fuck snicket”The kids celebrate Pride, Lemony learns he’s famous, and Jake does the impossible.
Relationships: Florence Smith/Ornette Lost (implied), Jake Hix/Cleo Knight, so many friendships it’s impossible to tag
Series: the association of dumbassery [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586047
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21





	we’re all just looking for love to change the world

**Author's Note:**

> title is from “everyone is gay” by a great big world!
> 
> usernames:
> 
> lemony: Grammatically Correct Lemon / L. Snicket 
> 
> moxie: force of courage
> 
> cleo: Better Than Any Of You / the Boss
> 
> jake: the Sane One
> 
> ornette: origaymi
> 
> ellington: shut up all of you / be gay do crimes
> 
> kellar: I DO NOT HAVE WEIRD HAIR / K. Haines
> 
> pip: taxi toddler #1
> 
> squeak: taxi toddler #2
> 
> marguerite: golden girl
> 
> kevin: sword gay 
> 
> jackie: zoom zoom
> 
> florence: florida
> 
> oliver: it’s an AMPHIBIAN

**|The Association Of Dumb Names|** ****

**_origaymi:_ **ITS PRIDE MONTH

 **_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ **We’re aware.

 **_force of courage:_ **HAPPY PRIDE MONTH FUCKERS

 **_Better Than Any Of You:_ **ok so all the stain’d kids are pitching in and helping with this year’s parade 

**_Better Than Any Of You:_ **lemony, kellar, ellington, y’all wanna join in?

 **_shut up all of you:_ **HELL YEAH

 **_I DO NOT HAVE WEIRD HAIR:_ **yes!!

 **_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ **Sure. I mean, it’s not like I have anything better to do, other than, oh, you know, FIGURE OUT HOW TO STOP HANGFIRE. 

**_Better Than Any Of You:_ **geez

 **_force of courage:_ **finally lem used capslock again

 **_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ **I was joking. Of course I’ll help out!

 **_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ **And, Moxie, I needed to add emphasis, and this stupid app won’t let me italicize. Caps lock was the only option.

 **_Better Than Any Of You:_ **ok! i’ll add you three to the planning group chat

 **_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ **Why does it feel like this is a contrived situation set up by a bored author so we can be in a group chat with the “Stain’d Squad” and shenanigans can happen?

 **_the Sane One:_ **what the fuck snicket

 **_origaymi:_ **why are we ignoring the fact that cleo said “y’all”

**|2k1? stain’d pride planning🏳️🌈|**

_(_ **_the Boss_ ** _added_ **_L. Snicket_ ** _,_ **_K. Haines_ ** _, and_ **_E. Feint_ ** _)_

 **_E. Feint:_ **ok i forgot to tell you before you added me cleo but i can help with ideas and shit but i can’t actually physically help since im in jail 

**_E. Feint:_ **sorry lemme introduce myself. i’m ellington and i am Big Lesbian

 **_golden girl:_ **wow i can’t believe you’re the epitome of ‘be gay do crimes’

 **_sword gay:_ **hey i thought i was the epitome of be gay do crimes

 **_E. Feint:_ **there can only be one

 **_florida:_ **come on, kevin, we all know I’M the epitome of be gay do crimes

 _(_ **_E. Feint_ ** _changed their name to_ **_be gay do crimes_ ** _)_

 **_be gay do crimes:_ **no it’s me

 **_florida:_ **did you start the bbbg? I Don’t Think So

 **_L. Snicket:_ **Whose idea was it to name your gang the “Big Bad Brick Gang”? Also, why do you have a gang?

 **_sword gay:_ **bc swords are cool as fuck

 **_florida:_ **oh, you’re snicket, right?

 **_florida:_ **you thought my mom’s last name was respectable

 **_origaymi:_ **i mean, she is quite respectable, and her family name is too

 **_florida:_ **no he thought her last name was actually “respectable”. he thought her name was delphinium respectable.

 **_L. Snicket:_ **It was a mistake, and I’m extremely sorry.

 **_florida:_ **a hilarious mistake

_Thursday, 2:10 PM_

**_the Boss:_ **finalizing the route rn! if you need any changes just holler 

**_the Boss:_ ** _route.jpg_

 **_the Sane One:_ **can the last stop be at hungry’s? i wanna do the thing

 **_the Boss:_ **the thing?

 **_the Sane One:_ **the thing i told you about

 **_taxi toddler #1:_ **what’s the thing?

 **_the Sane One:_ **it’s a surprise 

**_the Sane One:_ **and lemony, if you try to use your weird sneaky spy skills to figure it out, i will never make anything free for you ever again

 **_L. Snicket:_ **You wouldn’t.

 **_the Sane One:_ **i will

 **_L. Snicket:_ **Looks like I have to start breaking into the lighthouse for every meal again, then.

 **_force of courage:_ **NO PLEASE NO

 **_force of courage:_ **i remember when i woke up at around midnight for a snack once

 **_force of courage:_ **i went downstairs 

**_force of courage:_ **and lemony was just sitting on the counter, eating toast, with the lights off. it was terrifying 

**_L. Snicket:_ **Well, Theodora’s breakfasts are more terrifying.

 **_L. Snicket:_ **Did I ever tell you about the cereal?

 **_taxi toddler #2:_ **how can cereal be terrifying

 **_L. Snicket:_ **Once, Theodora gave me cereal, but we had no bowls or spoons.

 **_L. Snicket:_ **So I was forced to pick up each individual cereal flake one by one, dip it into the milk, and then eat it.

 **_L. Snicket:_ **I gave up at around the sixty-ninth flake.

 **_taxi toddler #2:_ **69

 **_zoom zoom:_ **NICE

 **_the Sane One:_ **lemony…

 **_force of courage:_ **oh no it’s The Mom Voice

 **_taxi toddler #1:_ **jake: “i’m not mad, i’m just disappointed”

 **_the Sane One:_ **lemony sixty nine cereal flakes is not enough nutrients for a good breakfast

 **_L. Snicket:_ **A child needs eleven servings of nutrients a day. I had sixty-nine servings.

 **_the Sane One:_ **A SINGLE FLAKE IS NOT A FREAKING SERVING 

**_L. Snicket:_ **Well, it feels like one if you have to pick it up and dip it into a carton of milk!

 **_L. Snicket:_ **And I came by for early lunch anyways.

 **_it’s an AMPHIBIAN:_ **why is everyone yelling about cereal

 **_force of courage:_ **hey oliver! long time no see

 **_the Boss:_ **scroll up

_Friday, 3:25 AM_

**_sword gay:_ **so lil snicket lad is 100% about a cult rigt 

**_sword gay:_ **i mean child kidnapping? “don’t scream when we take you”? why is this song a popular nursery rhyme

 **_it’s an AMPHIBIAN:_ **kevin it’s three in the morning 

**_the Boss:_ **ughhh… the ping from the phone woke me up

 **_zoom zoom:_ **same

 **_force of courage:_ **same

 **_L. Snicket:_ **Same.

 **_the Sane One:_ **why are you doin this in this chat? its not ontopic

 **_it’s an AMPHIBIAN:_ **jake you literally yelled about cereal twelve hours ago

 **_L. Snicket:_ **What’s “lil snicket lad”?

 **_zoom zoom:_ **u don’t know the little snicket lad?

 **_it’s an AMPHIBIAN:_ **have you been living under a rock for the past ten years?

 **_force of courage:_ **ok people there’s only one way to teach lemony the snicket lad song

 **_force of courage:_ **SING ALONG TIME!

 **_zoom zoom:_ **moxie just send him a link to the song

 **_force of courage:_ **party pooper

 **_zoom zoom:_ ** [ https://youtu.be/HFGaZD0xna8 ](https://youtu.be/HFGaZD0xna8)

**_sword gay:_ **so, snicket, now that you have been enlightened

 **_sword gay:_ **do you agree that this song is definitely about a cult

 **_sword gay:_ **snicket?

 **_sword gay:_ ** _@L. Snicket_ where’d u go?

 **_force of courage:_ **he’s staring at his screen in mild shock

 **_L. Snicket:_ **I… I think this song’s about me.

 **_force of courage:_ **WHAT

 **_it’s an AMPHIBIAN:_ **you’re joking right?

 **_sword gay:_ **unlikely, but fucked up if true

 **_L. Snicket:_ **Come on, that’s exactly how I joined VFD.

 **_the Boss:_ **“joined” (read: was kidnapped as a baby into)

 **_L. Snicket:_ **Also, VFD is not a cult.

 **_force of courage:_ **lemony…

 **_the Boss:_ **we’ve tried to tell you multiple times

 **_the Sane One:_ **lemony, vfd is prob a cult

 **_force of courage:_ **it’s almost DEFINITELY a cult

 **_L. Snicket:_ **I’m not in a cult!

 **_sword gay:_ **idk, sounds like something someone in a cult would say

 **_L. Snicket:_ **Why? Why must you torment me this way?

 **_L. Snicket:_ **Wait…

 **_L. Snicket:_ **There’s a popular nursery rhyme about me?

 **_zoom zoom:_ **probably, i guess

 **_L. Snicket:_ **I didn’t think this would be my claim to fame!

 **_force of courage:_ **what did u think ur claim to fame would be, snicket 

**_L. Snicket:_ **I don’t know! Writing a bestselling novel? Getting framed for arson? Dying very gruesomely? 

**_L. Snicket:_ **Certainly not this! 

**_L. Snicket:_ **Certainly not having a nursery rhyme written about my kidnapping as a baby!

 **_the Boss:_ **at least he’s admitting it was a kidnapping now

 **_it’s an AMPHIBIAN:_ **what the absolute fuck just happened 

_Saturday, 5:45 PM_

**_the Boss:_ **the parade is tomorrow! we’re picking up oliver, marg, jackie, kevin, flo, and the cozys from wade academy at 12:30, and we’ll go until 4:30!

 **_golden girl:_ **man i am so jealous of you. wade sucks

 **_florida:_ **how did y’all even manage to sneak out

 **_force of courage:_ **why’d u say y’all 

**_florida:_ **don’t yallshame, moxie

 ** _force of courage:_** and we snuck out during the field trip

 **_the Boss:_ ** here’s the route we’ll be taking! sharing this again _route.jpg_

 **_the Boss:_ **make sure to bring water, sunscreen, and snacks! it’s gonna be pretty hot out tomorrow

 **_the Sane One:_ **can’t wait! just wish qwerty was out of jail so he could come

 **_be gay do crimes:_ **don’t we all, but you can visit him when you come over and visit me!

 **_the Sane One:_ **just thinking about last year’s parade

 **_the Sane One:_ **qwerty made this big float and stacked like a hundred books so they made this big rainbow

 **_the Sane One:_ **it was awesome

 **_golden girl:_ **oh THAT float

 **_golden girl:_ **hold on i think i have a pic of it

 **_golden girl:_ ** _bookfloat.png_

 **_the Sane One:_ **marg you are a lifesaver

_Sunday, 4:03 PM_

**_origaymi:_ **figured i’d share some of my pics from today!

 **_origaymi:_ ** _[A picture of the Associates (no one so far has been able to come up with a better name so they’re stuck with that one) at the parade. Cleo has swapped her black and white striped jacket for a rainbow one. Ornette is wearing a paper flower crown in orange and pink. Lemony is swatting away Moxie’s attempted bunny ears. Ellington is absent for obvious reasons. They are all grinning. (Much later, this is the photo Lemony looks at when he feels especially homesick (if you can feel homesick for a place that isn’t home).)]_

 **_origaymi:_ ** _[A selfie of most of the Associates (Ellington included) at the police station. Ellington is still wearing the orange and pink sunset dress from the day she got arrested. She has somehow acquired a marker and has written ‘be gay do crimes’ on her face.]_

 **_origaymi:_ ** _[A picture of Kevin and Florence. Kevin has covered his sword in glitter. The two are wearing matching shirts. Florence’s has an arrow pointing to Kevin that reads ‘I’m With Oblivious Gay’. Kevin’s has an arrow pointing to Florence that reads ‘I’m With Useless Lesbian’.]_

 **_origaymi:_ ** _[A picture of Jackie, astride their motorcycle, a non-binary pride flag tied around their neck like a cape. In the background, Lysistrata barks at the Cozy’s dog Tabitha.]_

 **_origaymi:_ ** _[A picture of the Bellerophon Taxi. Balloons and ribbons have been attached to every possible surface, and while driving, it looks like a blur of rainbow. Pip and Squeak lean out of the window next to the driver’s seat, rainbow stripes painted on Squeak’s face.]_

 **_origaymi:_ ** _[A picture of the parade. There are only around fifteen people present, but the angle the photo is taken at makes it look like a veritable sea of colors.]_

 **_florida:_ **these pics are awesome how the fuck are you so good at everything it’s not fair

 **_sword gay:_ **my shirt has suddenly become a lot more applicable to this situation 

**_florida:_ **shut up kevin

 **_the Sane One:_ **we’re heading over to hungry’s now! be there or be square

 **_golden girl:_ **absolutely no one unironically says be there or be square anymore jake

 **_L. Snicket:_ **What does that even mean? How can someone be a square?

 **_taxi toddler #1:_ **what’s the huge surprise? can u tell us now?

 **_the Sane One:_ **hang on i’ll just go get it

 **_golden girl:_ **he’s bringin it out

 **_force of courage:_ **HE’S BRINGING IT OUT

 **_K. Haines:_ **IT’S??? A CAKE???

 **_sword gay:_ **what the fuck it’s so beautiful 

**_L. Snicket:_ **Why are we talking in the chat? We’re all in the same room.

 **_florida:_ **QUICK NETTE TAKE A PICTURE OF IT WITH UR AMAZING PHOTOGRAPHY POWERS

 **_origaymi:_ **HERE

 **_origaymi:_ ** _[A picture of a cake, iced white with rainbow borders. On top are around ten different pride flags, each made out of fondant. It is indeed beautiful.]_

 **_sword gay:_ **jake’s cutting the cake now and i just have the urge to sing happy birthday 

**_the Boss:_ **why the fuck

 **_the Boss:_ **IT HAS RAINBOW LAYERS

 **_force of courage:_ **R A I N B O W L A Y E R S

 **_the Sane One:_ **each layer is a different flavor!

 **_zoom zoom:_ **we expected nothing less

 **_florida:_ **fucking superb u funky lil chef

 **_force of courage:_ **OH MY GOD IT TASTES SO GOOD

 **_force of courage:_ **OMG EVERYONE STOP TEXTING RIGHT NOW AND ENJOY THIS MASTERPIECE 

**_L. Snicket:_ **You’ve outdone yourself, Jake! This is probably the best cake I’ve ever had!

 **_origaymi:_ **same

 **_sword gay:_ **same

 **_it’s an AMPHIBIAN:_ **same

 **_florida:_ **same!

 **_golden girl:_ **SAME

 **_the Sane One:_ **can y’all guess the secret ingredient?

 **_the Sane One:_ **after recent thefts from partial foods it’s been in very high demand

 **_the Boss:_ **schoenberg cereal?

 **_the Sane One:_ **sweetheart you think everything is about schoenberg cereal 

**_the Sane One:_ **i’ll spare you the guessing.

 **_the Sane One:_ **it’s honeydew melons

 **_L. Snicket:_ **WHAT?

 **_force of courage:_ **oh wow two uses of capslock in the same week this is a record

 **_force of courage:_ **but also WHAT THE FUCK JAKE

 **_sword gay:_ **my life is a lie

 **_L. Snicket:_ **Jake, you’ve successfully done the impossible.

 **_the Boss:_ **manage to get honeydew melons after the inhumane society stole them all?

 **_L. Snicket:_ **That too, but mostly just managing to make honeydew melons actually taste good.

 **_sword gay:_ **damn right you’ve made them taste good

 **_golden girl:_ ** this is probably the first food i’ve had in a while that isn’t laced with laudanum ****

**_the Sane One:_ **we’ll sneak some in with you on your way back

 **_the Sane One:_ **we’ll also send some coffee! 

**_be gay do crimes:_ **i kinda want cake too

 **_the Boss:_ **we’ll bring some for you too ell

 **_be gay do crimes:_ **thanks cleo

 **_golden girl:_ **today was awesome

 **_force of courage:_ **it was great

 **_it’s an AMPHIBIAN:_ **yeah, rlly sad we have to go back to wade

 **_the Boss:_ **hopefully we’ll be able to get rid of hangfire and his crew soon, and then you don’t have to be there anymore

 **_L. Snicket:_ **Yeah. Soon...

**Author's Note:**

> i know june’s almost over, but happy pride month, everyone!


End file.
